Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

 0 items

• Login
• Join

Search this site:

Hi Betty,

I have read your book Orgasms for Two. When I was 26, I finally figured out how to orgasm regularly with my boyfriend. Before that I couldn't come. Now I am 28 and I am not with him anymore, and I can't orgasm by myself. What worked was a combination of direct clitoral stimulation with my finger while the other hand lifts up the pubic mound. I would be laying on my stomach and having him behind me, pushing himself in deep, probably hitting my uterus. I would tense my legs, butt, and PC, and clear my brain. I'd say those orgasms were your classification of tension orgasms, according to your book.

I haven't had a relaxation orgasm. I can't not tense up my legs when touching my clit for an extended period of time (15-45min) because it feels too good. Do I need to learn to relax the muscles in order to come? And how do I do that? What am I doing wrong? How can I get myself to feel so incredibly good but not be able to reach orgasm? I have tried the hitachi magic wand but I think it is too distracting as it is loud and bulky. It has so much vibration even with the washcloth and it doesn't specifically hit my clit the way I like it best. I would deeply appreciate your help! I've had so many years of frustration and I am worried they are going to start again!

Dear J,

Having only one way to have an orgasm does present problems. Go to "First Time Orgasm" on the website. Begin every selfloving session with a genital massage while looking in a free standing mirror. After 5 minutes or so, roll over and lie on your back, knees bent and breathing fully. Continue your vulva massage and add your clitoris. Insert my Barbell and once it is in place, the weight will keep it there.

Now continue clit stim and begin to rock your pelvis forward and back while working your PC muscle. . . squeeze and release, squeeze and release. Continue this while adding a vibrator. My new favorite is the Mystic Wand available from our sex shop. It's small, quiet and has 5 settings with one that is as strong as the Magic Wand if desired.

You will be using tension AND relaxation. The same as we use our muscles walking or swimming. It's not all relax or all tense. Rather a combination of both. When I say "squeeze" you tense followed by "release" which is relax or let the muscles go. It's NOT one or the other, it's BOTH actions. . . tension and relaxation. It takes a bit of practice to master this although it should just come to us naturally. What you are struggling with now is the result of the repression of childhood masturbation. We would all grow up knowing how to do this in a more sexually healthy society.

Dr. Betty