Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

Better Orgasms. Better World.

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The question, “What do I want to be when I grow up?” is not that much different than asking, “What do I want to be when I grow old”? Recently I realized that growing pains are part of the creative process, not something that ever ends. For instance, “How do I want to live my life” is similar to asking, “How do I want to end my life”?

So I continue to ponder what I’ve been calling, “My End Game” as I consider what needs to be put in place to make a final exit on my own terms. Death like Life and Sex and Art are way too important to leave to chance.

At this point I have a notarized Will; my art and archival material will go to the University of Minnesota’s Program in Human Sexuality. My teaching legacy is taken care of with the website that my business partner Carlin will continue. Therefore dodsonandross.com will have most of my work gathered in one place forever, or for as long as we have cyberspace and planet Earth. The women and men who have worked with me and have become sex coaches and/or educators or therapists including those who attended workshops, viewed a DVD, read my books or got information from my website will carry on my woman-based sex information. Also the millions of people who continue to enjoy their independent orgasms with vibrators and sex toys the world over will secure my place in history as one of the important sexuality - based feminists of the twenty-first century.

Since I like to forecast a theme for each decade, the last few were as follows: The 1960’s were dedicated to exhibiting my fine art. The 1970’s were about feminism and learning to write. The 1980’s were about exploring the power dynamic between people during sex with a support of group of women exploring Dominance/Submission. During the 1990’s I learned how to produce and sell video tapes showing my woman-based teaching methods. At the beginning of 2000 I revisited heterosexuality as a financially and sexually independent woman to confront another sexual double standard: Society approves of men having sex with younger women, but the reverse is not true for woman. Several years after my book Orgasms for Two came out that told the story of my May/December love affair with a much younger man, the “Cougar” appeared in the media. However, as we might guess, it was not a flattering image and what they considered “old” was a woman in her late forties or fifties. No way could society imagine a woman in her seventies loving sex with a man in his twenties!

Now as an orgasmic woman in her eighties, I’ve been considering how I want to design my sexlife. I’ve been considering letting go of vaginal penetration sex with a partner(s). One idea was to take a rest from using bio-identical hormone cream. Although no tests have been done on this type of hormone replacement made from the soy bean plant, it makes a lot more sense than using the pharmaceutical Premarin. This was the HRT that proved to be dangerous in tests if used over time. I also apply my plant based hormone cream vaginally which means it’s not absorbed systemically. So I’ve been thinking it might make sense to just stay with masturbation, clitoral stimulation and develop hotter skuzzy fantasies.

Soon after that idea, I began to pay more attention to sex toys. The first new one was the We-Vibe that I saw advertised at the 2009 AASECT Conference in Phoenix. I instantly approved of the concept because it’s what I’ve been promoting for more years than I can remember. All this talk about vaginal vs. clitoral, vs. g-spot, vs. whatever-else-men-think-up for whatever they imagine a woman’s orgasms is about. Here was a toy that combined both clitoral with vaginal stimulation at the same time. The little purple latex toy was U shaped with the clit end a bit bigger. The one flaw was a miserable on/off switch that took me forever to figure out. Once I mastered the subtle pressure points to control it, it appeared that I had a new fuck buddy.

When I inserted her, a big grin spread across my face as I hugged my entire genital area pressing We-Vibe closer into me with one hand. I began to massage my entire vulva covered with Almond massage oil. The inner and outer vibe felt nice! Not too strong for a beginner, but for me, the clit stim was far too subtle. Since I’m a sexual athlete, out came the Magic Wand. I flipped the switch to low and placed it on top of the We-Vibe clit stimulator. The buzzing I felt inside was like having a humming bird up my snatch while big mama doubled up on my clit. This was more like it!

Still I wanted more, so I reached for a new butt plug now available in our sex shop. Little Bootie was easily inserted and he settled in nicely. He’s a cute little guy, not challenging at all. After a few squeezes with my pelvic floor muscle, I moved my hips forward and back a few times. Ah yes! All I needed now was vaginal penetration so I reached for my Vaginal Barbell and applied oil to the shiny stainless steel. Then placing the larger ball at my vaginal opening, I begin my favorite fantasy of resisting penetration to preserve my chastity and avoid pregnancy while wanting more at the same time. This harks back to high school when my boyfriend and I would occasionally play, “put just the tip in” for a brief moment. That risky thrill remains in my fantasy rolodex to this day.

It’s a challenge to publicly share a fantasy. In 1967 when I met Drs. Phyllis and Eberhard Kronhausen, knowledgeable psychologists, authors and collectors of erotic art, they said a person’s sexual fantasies were the last thing they were willing to discuss. It demands the most courage because we are so vulnerable and fearful of being judged. A fantasy exposes the dark side of our minds that we’ve been taught to deny or to hide these anti-social thoughts at all costs. Since I’m at war with all forms of “Thought Police” I’ll say this as an explanation; since I play all of the roles in every fantasy, each of my make-believe scenarios can be viewed as consensual sex. The action is only taking place in my mind while my body enjoys extreme pleasure. The strong pull of rape fantasies is that it removes all responsibility from the “helpless woman.”

A group of teenage boys have tied her hands behind her back with the jump rope she’d been playing with. They force her over a low smooth boulder face down with her ass exposed. Two of them hold her legs apart while another boy holds her down on top. The others begin to feel her up, putting fingers inside her vagina and anus. To muffle her cries, a boy stuffs her panties inside her mouth. Then they take turns fucking both holes until they each shoot a load. One boy goes from her vagina to her anus repeatedly.

When a large dog appears, sniffs her crotch and then mounts her, the boys shout and laugh as they urge the dog on. She feels a sharp thrust as the dog’s dick jams into her fucked - open anus followed by rapid strokes. The action stops as the dog’s cum forms a hard knot swelling inside her. In spite of herself, she gets excited but is terrified at the same time. Suddenly one of the boys rubs her clit and no matter how hard she tries not to respond, she has a huge orgasm as the dogs cum drains down her leg."

Even though the We Vibe turned out to be a one-night stand, that hot episode made me realize how much I enjoyed vaginal penetration with a vibe on my clit and a forbidden fantasy in mind. Soon after that session, I remembered the hand carved dildo I bought several years ago from a young Welsh couple. Their company was called Mi-Su that offered a collection of high-end handmade dildos carved from semi-precious stones. Several had gems embedded as decoration. The least expensive one was black Obsidian, but still, hand carving volcanic glass put it at $1500 wholesale. Way out of my reach!

Since they had run out of money and needed to get back home, they asked what I could pay. I went to my cash drawer and took out what was there: four one hundred dollar bills. Sold! I kept my new sculpted art in the black and pink satin padded cover tied with a pink bow that it came in. It was taken out every so often just to show friends.

During those years of delightful orgasmic partnersex with my young man, my selfloving sessions had been reduced to few and far between. It seemed miraculous to be having this incredible first-rate partnersex so late in life that I wanted to take full advantage of it— if for no other reason than to document an older woman enjoying clitoral stimulation with vaginal and anal penetration with a much younger lover throughout most of her seventies— practically unheard of!

After he moved out which is what we both wanted and had consciously worked toward, I struggled to reinstate my masturbation. Once a person lets go of sex, it quickly becomes the norm. Then I remembered what I said in my first self-published book back in 74, “Masturbation has been a continuous part of my life since the age of five. It got me through childhood, puberty, romantic love, marriage and it will happily see me through old age.” Now the Obsidian dildo is on my bedside table with my Almond oil, the Mystic and Magic Wand, a new anal dildo and my hormone cream. Looks like I’m going to be a “Fucking Octogenarian” after all. I’m set up to have a Happy New Year, so why don’t you join me.

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