How Can I Help My Boyfriend Keep His Erection?

Wed, 12/08/2010 - 09:29
Submitted by Betty Dodson

Hi Betty,

I am 20 years old and my boyfriend is 22 and we have been dating my boyfriend for a little over 3 months now. We have had some amazing sex up until recently. Recently he has not been able to stay hard all the way through our romps in the bedroom. I am not too sure what to do with this cause he is an amazing guy but when he doesn't preform he gets really negative about himself, talking about how much of a failure he is or how much of a disappointment he is to me, and none of those things are true.

I am not sure how to 1. help him stay hard and 2. help him see that he is not disappointing or a failure. I was wondering if you happen to have any advice or if there is anything that I can do because I have already tried the lingerie, taking control, letting go of control, and almost every other thing that I could possibly think of. I am sure that one of these problems would go away if he were to get either a little more confident or just stay hard? What do I do Betty?


Dear J,

I am of the belief that we are each responsible for our own orgasms. That means we would know what turns us on and what kind of genital stimulation we prefer. And remember, this is his problem, not yours. So don't baby him. Just say it straight out that his erection isn't the end of sharing sex with him. Most women do not orgasm from vaginal penetration anyway. So what's the BFD? Young men need to learn that their penis inside a vagina is procreative sex that has little to do with a woman's pleasure and orgasms.

Check out my book "Orgasms for Two." It's full of ideas for couples. You might suggest he get a cock ring. When placed at the base of an erect penis, it holds in the blood to help maintain the hardon. Or put your vibrator on top of your hand placed over his penis.

The next time he loses his erection, why don't you ask him to caress you while you masturbate. That way you are demonstrating you can do this for yourself. You might invite him to join you and masturbate together. It's also a great way to observe each others sex techniques. Most importantly, sharing sex is about having fun, not proving you're a stud or a siren.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time

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Losing Enthusiasm...

Sun, 05/07/2017 - 11:53
Deysi (not verified)

Dear Betty,
I'm hoping to get your input on my situtation.
[= 12.8px]The guy I'm dating can't stay hard for more than a couple minutes during penetration. I either have to cum very quickly during penetration or he willl bring me to orgasm by oral and manual, but the most satisfying orgasm for me is penetration with clitoral stimulation. He says I get to wet that's why he loses his erection, but all the men I've been with love how wet I get. Lately I've been feeling less enthusiastic about our sex life because he requires a lot of time and stimulation to orgasm and has difficulty staying hard. Thank you for any feedback! [/]

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