I Can Only Orgasm Once a Month

Mon, 11/29/2010 - 12:36
Submitted by Betty Dodson

I'm 41 years old, desire sex daily, have no problem with lubrication, still having normal cycles but can only have an orgasm maybe once a month, if i'm lucky. my husband is 15 my senior. i was 16 and he was 33 when we got together and i thought sex with him was great until i got pregnant at age 18. it was a marriage of sacrifice on my part so my daughter could have two full-time parents.

After she was born i felt like she destroyed my beautiful body and i didn't want him seeing me naked anymore. we still had sex; it was very straight forward and to the point. i still had orgasms with him. then i knew i had outgrown him, not in love but still love him; he knows this. he caught me in an affair, once in my early 20's and one about a year ago, but chose to stay with me.

Within the last three years i've gotten very comfortable with my body and my sexuality. i have explained to him what i need from him; more caress, touch some dirty talk; he cannot bring himself to do these things for me; it's not 'me' he says. now he has been sick for almost two years with cancerous brain tumors that cut into his motor nerves which renders his right leg useless, which makes having sex with him less than pleasurable; to watch him struggle so hard with the act itself, and basically can only do me from behind or has to kneel on the floor while i'm on the bed for oral sex. i never really had a problem climaxing with him, literally simultaneous orgasms, but only with me on top. Now maybe only once a month and it's through oral sex. it has become very boring and monotonous.

I have known i liked and wanted to be with women since before i hit puberty. i told him this about a year ago and found myself a girlfriend, which he says he's ok with, but i really don't think he is. she, on the other hand is very orgasmic; one after another, after another and she can squirt too; so cool!!!

but it poses a problem in that in the year we have been having sex, which is only once a week and when she is drinking, she has clocked probably 200 orgasms and i have had none with her which is very disheartening and very depressing. i tell her i need and want more of her, sober, but she says there is nothing wrong with me sexually and to just enjoy each other. i do love her very much and need and want to have an orgasm with her. where i come from girls like her just don't land in your lap and am afraid to go on a search for another female.

I know i'm not happy, very depressed and stressed out with the whole home-life situation. i've been to my gyno and told him all this and the only thing he asked was if i was having normal cycles, which was a yes answer, and that there is nothing wrong with me physically; that it is all stress related. i'm getting to the point i want to just shut down sexually because i feel like it's the only way to end this pain i am having.

Dear J,

Well, you are in a can of worms sexually speaking. Your 56 year old husband with cancerous brain tumors and a bad leg is well past his prime but he continues to try desperately to please you. Why don't you let him off the hook and just share oral sex or give him a massage with manual sex for his happy ending. You are in good health and there is nothing to keep you from having all the orgasms you want with some fist class masturbation.

Get some sex toys, a good vibrator and put your selfish girlfriend out to pasture. You were much too young to settle into marriage at 16 and give birth two years later. You were cheated out of your youth when we have a time to experiment and find out what we want out of life.

I think it's a good idea to end your dependence on partners for all of your orgasms. Begin a love affair with yourself while you sort out your life. A good counselor would be worth her weight in gold if you can find one. Check out AASECT.org for sex therapists in your area. Medical doctors get no sex education and are of little to no help with patients presenting your kind of problems. I'd like to see you go off on your own and discover who you are without an ailing husband and a girlfriend who has a drinking problem. You never mentioned your daughter so I'll assume she is doing well. I repeat, begin a love affair with yourself and have an orgasm or more every day.

Dr. Betty

Liberating women one orgasm at a time