Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross
Better Orgasms. Better World.
 |
Betty's Vaginal Barbell |
 |
My Romantic Love Wars: A Sexual Memoir - EBOOK EDITION |
 |
Betty Dodson's Bodysex Workshop DVD |
 |
Betty Dodson Liberating women one orgasm at a time |
 |
Carlin Ross Sex, Politics & More Sex |
 |
Eric Amaranth Sex life coaching, real life erotica, and wellness |
 |
Lawrence Lanoff Reality Hacker. Sex Educator. Geek. |
 |
Liandra Dahl Sex Documentarian |
 |
LilithLand Women, Sex, Culture & Relationships |
 |
cajun sausage Lovin' Dr. Betty since 1996! |
 |
Christina Cicchelli Professional Pervert |
 |
Danny Wylde Male. Libra. Whore |
 |
Dr. Lulu History & the Material Culture of Sex |
 |
Emily and Ju Queer love |
 |
Eric Francis Astrology & Adventure |
 |
Jenn Parenthood. With Cursing |
 |
Jessica Kramer Liberating Birth |
 |
jexhibitionism |
 |
Kasini Poet. Educator. Catalyst. Mother. |
 |
LesleyS Redefining my sexual self after babies. |
 |
Logan Levkoff sexologist, sex educator, intellisexual, author, mom |
 |
Marisa Black Finding room for all of me |
 |
Marylou Naccarato Learn how to raise your level of “Sexability” |
 |
Palesa Art + Sex + Media + Empowerment |
 |
Princess What would my mother say? |
 |
Solo Sexualist |
 |
VirginMonoblogger Thought all virgins were the same? Think again. |
 |
WildOrchid A selfsexual, toy loving, possibly bisexual total virgin |
Hi!
I was diagnosed about a year ago with herpes simplex 2 virus! I recently started dating someone who knows i have herpes and during our first time together decided not to wear a condom and to perform oral sex without a Dental dam. I have only had that first initial outbreak and nothing ever since, what are his chances of contracting the virus even if i had no signs of an outbreak? Is it safe to keep having unprotected sex?
S
Dear S,
The issue of Herpes is so overblown in my opinion. I have never seen it as a serious STD, rather similar to the common cold or a cold sore one gets on the mouth. Big deal!! It seems different people respond differently to this virus. My first outbreak happened in the 70's when we were all enjoying sex in groups. If you didn't have Herpes you weren't really into sex was our attitude back then.
Then I went more than a decade with no outbreaks. During periods of high stress, a small group of blisters would appear but it was never a big deal and they dried up and went away in two weeks. My approach is not to have partnersex when I have an active blister. According to the literature on webmd, you can get it from cells shedding even without an active sore. I say we all have immune systems and taking care of ourselves in terms of diet, exercise and rest is as good a medicine as you can get. The idea of taking Valtrex at $300 per jug is in my mind feeding the monster called Big Pharma. The decision of not using condoms and dental dams is an individual choice once you have birth control in place. For me, unprotected sex means no birth control and that I don't recommend.
Dr. Betty
I really wouldn't have
I really wouldn't have unprotected sex if I was you but if they're ok with it then I guess it doesn't really matter. Your right when you say it's not that big of a deal but it is with you for life so that does kind of suck.
transmission
Hi Dr. Betty,
Thank you for sharing your above answer. I have been wanting to ask someone who is HSV positive about their experience of transmission of the virus. In all the sex that you have - have you ever transmitted the virus to someone else? I hear all the stats of female to male transmission is about 2% if you are using condoms and not having sex during outbreaks and if you are on a daily Valtrex regimen this drops to 1%. I have not had sex with a man in over 3 years since the person that transmitted it to me and I have broke up. I haven't spoken to anyone who is also HSV positive.
I don't think the chances are something I can face. There is potentially a new someone in my life who I really adore - but I feel that because I really care about him that we will always have to remain friends and avoiding him having to know this about me.
I think I am still pretty angry at the person who gave it to me and myself - he lied to me about so many things - why didn't I think he would lie to me about his sexual health? It wouldn't have changed me having an intimate relationship with him I don't think - but at least I would have had the opportunity to make an informed decision.
Thank you again for talking about this.
Dear wondering,
Why would you sacrifice your sexlife because of Herpes? It's as common as having a cold which we all seem to get from time to time. The fact that I might catch a cold has never prevented me from attending a party. As long as you don't have sex with a partner when you have blisters, chances are very good he/she will not get the virus. Don't cut off your nose to spite your face. Time to let go of your anger and begin to enjoy sex with a partner again.
PEOPLE MUST EDUCATE themselves MORE!
The end all and be all in the dating world is telling someone you have "Herpes". At least where I live. Ironically I am living in the syphilis capital of the country (Canada eh!)!
Syphilis is a disease that can cause much more concern/damage and be carried without anyone's knowledge. Part of the problem is that sex education is truly not comprehensive enough. Our youth should be learning more about the different diseases, along with detailed info about how they are contracted and how useful condoms truly are for each one. That includes discussing all types of sex... ANAL, ORAL & traditional methods. Ideally this info would include the difference/levels of risk these
varying types of sex have on the varying diseases.
People need INFORMATION! The net is great but many people can get misleading and false info.
I am educated, I do know the
I am educated, I do know the risks even with condoms. I am not sure if Marias comment was directed at my post - but yes it does feel like the end of the "dating world" at least with an HSV "-" individual. I'm not about to sero-select someone just because they have the same virus. However, I feel like I have a duty to protect other people from ever possibly feeling like I do - which in my mind means shutting that door before you become even more attached.
The worrying if there is tingling or shedding - I can't imagine throwing having sex with someone else into the mix.
I would really like to hear thoughts from people who are in this position and their actual experiences with transmission. How to support people in that decision making process and ideas about how to make this not an all consuming thought.
I don't want to give up my sex life because of this - however I have pretty much given up a sex life with other people. I enjoyed sex a lot 3 1/2 years ago.
I do work at a place with immuno-suppressed individuals - I have learned keeping my feeling awful to myself and avoiding giving something to someone that may kill them. I know that herpes isn't going to kill anyone I have sex with - but that isn't the reason or thing I want them to be remembering me by.
Post new comment