After hearing countless sex histories from girls and women over the past four decades, I believe sexual repression begins the moment a parent or caregiver punishes a child’s natural curiosity for touching their own sex organs.
Society needs to understand that the health of each person’s sexlife rests upon childhood masturbation— the foundation upon which all of human sexuality is based. It’s very consistent that each client I see struggling with orgasms as an adult has no memory of masturbating in childhood or in their teens. The absence of this natural self-exploration interferes with the development of nerve pathways that carry positive sensations from our genitals to the pleasure center in the brain. This blocks or slows down the development of sexual release with orgasm.
Over the years, one frequently asked question comes from women and a few men who are unable to incorporate their current method of masturbation into partnersex.
Many have carried the same pattern of childhood masturbation over into adulthood and it's now the only way they can get off. Some are stimulating their genitals with one or both hands pressed between legs that are tightly squeezed together while lying face down on their tummies- not conducive to sharing orgasms with another person. Others are humping folded blankets, wooden floors, riding the arm of an overstuffed chair or pressing against hard counter tops.
I'm 22 years old and a virgin and I have never had an orgasm. I masturbate fairly regularly, sometimes multiple times a day, but I can never seem to get myself all the way there. I know where my clitoris is, that's not a problem, and I get very wet when I touch myself. It feels good when I rub my clit but after a while either gets sore, or it's just boring and stops feeling like anything at all. I have a vibrate too but it doesn't really give me any pleasure, it feels almost the same as it might if I held it against my arm or something.
When I was pregnant, I developed a growth of skin on one side of my clitoral hood.
My OBGYN said she would remove it while I was delivering but for some reason or another it didn't happen. 10 years later, it's getting in my way when I'm trying to masterbate and I feel like it is taking a hit on my self esteem because I think I caused it by the skin to skin friction while masturbating. I've never seen anything like it in your pictures, and I'm shy to see a gynecologist about it now.
I was curious if you've ever seen something like that before, or if it's normal to develop extra skin from masturbating.
I just had an incident with my brand new razor. I was shaving, and I have hair just inside of my vaginal lips, so I tried to shave them... And felt a slight sting during. I thought nothing of it until I got out of the shower.
I have a cut from the clit connection to the labia minora (or looking up a detailed photo of a vagina, it's basically right on the Glands of the clitoris, but not actually on my clit and my clit appears to be unscathed). It's about half a centimeter or so I think, and it doesn't hurt right now, but I'm a little nervous and would like to know how long generally it will take to heal.
I won't be masturbating or having sex until it's healed because it looks terrifying.
I have been using sex toys for many years. I am currently not with a partner. Recently I got more than one uti without having the typical painful uti symptoms. There were no symptoms at all. The most recent uti developed into severe sepsis and I was hospitalized for over a week and lucky to survive. A friend suggested perhaps it could be from a sex toy that somehow retained bacteria.
Now I am really concerned about trying to self-pleasure again. Do you have any suggestions?
I'm not sure if my questions are for here, but i don't know who to ask and talk about it. So I'll be glad if you can answer.
I'm 19y. lesbian in relationship for first time and we are 2 years together now. We had "sex" for 1st time in the end of the last year ,but it's not like it should be. I'm too shy to have my clothes off cuz i don't like my body and especially my labia and, when we are making love lights are off, I keep my pants on. You can imagine how amateur it is..
Hi Dr. Betty,
I am 21 years old and have never really had a true orgasm. I fear I won't be able to. I discovered I could pleasure myself at an extremely young age. I use to masterbate by lying on my stomach with both my hands in a 'V' like shape on either side of my vagina and hump up and down. I'm worried I have ruined my clit due to improper and unlubricated masturbation.
I've had this on my mind as of late and I'm going to try to put these feelings into words as simple as possible.
I'm 23 year Aspie old woman who has had both relationship and non-relationship penetrative sex - and I disliked both. I was in a one-year relationship with a wonderful guy I lost my virginity to and the sex was kinda unsatisfying. We were both inexperienced so it makes sense that the sex wasn't spectacular. He even had a difficult time staying hard and ejaculating. Eventually I grew tired and decided to clock out of the relationship, despite the fact that I still care for him. During that time, I started talking to another guy at school, who was the total opposite of my BF. He was much more sexually experienced but the sex itself was so painful.
Hi Dr. Betty,
I don't know whether I'm asexual or what's up with me. I'm a 24 year old girl. I can watch porn, get turned on and rub my clit until I orgasm, but whenever I've tried sexual things with someone else I just don't get turned on, if anything their bodily fluids (cum, saliva) disgust me and no amount of foreplay can get me wet
I fantasise about doing stuff with guys (and sometimes girls) and find them aesthetically pleasing to look at in images, but the real life thing doesn't do anything for me
What's up with me?
If you are OK without a sex partner then stay single As long as you are masturbating and enjoying orgasms you are not considered asexual. Instead you are a selfsexual which is a valid lifestyle. Enjoy!
Hi Dr Betty!
I am 18 years old and worried about the damage I may have done to my vagina. I discovered I could pleasure myself at 3 years old, by rubbing my clitoris against a sofa arm, and now regularly masterbate using the corner of a wooden desk. I am aware that this is really unhealthy as it is such a harsh movement, and I am worried that I have desensitised my clitoris or damaged it. Furthermore, as I tend to rub on one side, one of my labia majora has become much larger and more stretched than the other, giving my vulva a lopsided look (although I know vulva's come in all shapes and sizes I feel like mine is not normal as my masterbation has unnaturally stretched it).
Hi Betty, first of all I want to say thank you for your work on this site here. It have been interesting coming in here and read about several topics around female masturbation and sex life.
But I was wondering with many people struggling some sort of mental illness like depression and loneliness (the list go on). And how these things do effect sex life and masturbation. It's just a topic I haven't read so much about.
I personally don't use any anti-depresant medicines, but these feelings and moods can really have bad effect on my life (including my masturbation obviously).
Hello! Thanks for your time.
I don't know how to respond to people about this. I know the insult isn't justified, but I do like sleeping with multiple guys. People say I put myself at risk too much. Not just about STDs but also for pregnancy. The funny thing, is that I risk being preggo much less often than lots of ppl in relationships do! Like if I hookup a few times a month vs most people who have sex with their partner at least a few times a week.
They say it's different though, since they know each other if a baby happens. But I feel like the overall consequence is the same. Plus I usually take less risk, I'm on BC, use condoms, and usually ask him to pullout even with a condom on. I know plenty of couples that just solely rely on the pill.
I have been masturbating since a very young child, and thanks to you have progressed from rubbing up against surfaces to touching myself with porn to now preferring my own fantasies with some coconut oil and penetration - these orgasms I have on my own are great! I am 19 years old and am in my first serious relationship. My boyfriend and I have been having sex for 2 months now, and so far has been a good experience.
I am a 33 old woman who began her masturbation journey after turning thirty. Thanks to the information available on your website, your inspiring books and youtube channel with Carlin, I think I have made steady progress and can now enjoy orgasms using clitoral stimulation alone. I am also able to slowly slide Betty's Barbell in and out of my vagina during the process without any apprehension or discomfort and though it does feel nice when the larger blob makes contact with the vaginal entry point, it is pretty uneventful once the barbell is almost completely inside me.
Is that normal? What does one have to do to enhance pleasure using the barbell?