My Orgasms Were Real But Was My Story?

Thu, 06/22/2017 - 07:45
Submitted by Anonymous
original painting Betty Dodson

I read your recent posts about transformation, a new chapter for you both and it resonated with me. I had been reflecting on the past 6 months since attending body sex and I would like to share my thoughts with you.

When I came back from New York not only was I exhausted, I was really confused. The experience was layered with contradicting experiences. I was elated to have met one of my greatest inspirations and to have shared orgasms with an amazing group of women but I had a big question looming about how honest I was.

I questioned myself for several weeks about my authenticity. My orgasms were real but was my story?

I wondered if I was being honest with myself or was i just projecting something I created to protect myself. I don't seem to have the issues other women had.....Am i really ok with my body,? do I have any sexual hang ups? am I happy with my orgasm? Am i being honest about what i need in my current relationship.... The questions were endless.

Betty's philosophy had influenced my sexuality within my marriage and her writing was a huge part of my sexual revolution following my marriage break up.

My primary relationship was with myself for the first time since I was 16 at the age of 32 and she confirmed it was ok, not something I heard very often! I learned to be emotionally independent, sexually independent, worked through a lot of life stuff, began to regulate my emotions and manage my active mind with physical activity and connecting with the natural world, creating a life that was nourishing and fulfilling for myself and my daughter.

I have spent the past 8 years developing, working out, making good and less good choices about myself and my sexuality. I have learned more about myself from all of them. I have had and do have negative body days but over all they are few and far between. I am really happy with my orgasm.. Loud and powerful, enriching and grounding, a place I feel most free, I have times when I can't tip over the edge but accept it rather than wrestle with myself about it.
I have learned how to expand and intensify my orgasms to where they are today, they weren't always so powerful or so easy to obtain or something I could translate into my sexual relationships (or have the courage to do so!)

I realised that I had to let go of the blaming self critic and let my mind process the experience. It came to me that you can only be where you are at that moment in time. I wasn't being dishonest I just had a different starting point because I had invested time and energy into nourishing my sexual self. I realised I was not going to under go the transformation I assumed I would regarding my sexuality and on one level this was disappointing but I realised I had already transformed sexually. I was in a really good place.

Did this limit my experience? I think not. I recognised that the main aim of my attendance was to achieve one of my life meet and share space and time with you Betty. I shared an orgasmic wave with you both, I was able to share other women's experience of transformation, I experienced what a group of women can do and how nourishing and enriching this experience is.

I have noticed the "body sex effect" a thread that has woven itself through my whole life.

I had embryonic thoughts about how to use my interest in sex and my positive attitude toward it in my work. I am now working on a research project to explore sexuality for people with learning disabilities at my local university.

My passion is to work with people whose sexuality is marginalised, a to chance to guide people who have such limited opportunities to explore their sexuality, to express themselves and access open straightforward appropriate education is an honour and really exciting.

I made changes to my behaviour in my interactions with my ex husband which were negative and embedded. This change is emotionally protective for me and in turn for my daughter.

I have more conviction about what I want to do in my future, instead of sitting comfortably I aspire to be a leading voice in sex and relationships work for people with a learning disability.

I am more open in my conversations about pushing boundaries and taboos about sex and relationships within the learning disability community.

I have no doubt that as time passes more things will happen which I will attribute to bodysex and it will no doubt inform some of my thinking when working on my research project.

I want to say thank you to you both and to the women I shared that weekend with.

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processing body sex

Fri, 06/23/2017 - 08:15
Luscious (not verified)

Yes, I completely agree - there is so much to process after a Bodysex weekend, and I had the same experience that it woke up old questions.   It's an incredible, once in a lifetime opportunity for most of us, and it's a gem in a world of partiarcial sex agenda. Being awake to 'what is my real story' is a wonderful and rich opportunity.